Brains vs. Blood
Published July 8, 2010
As you know, myself and Stephen King are reading Justin Cronin’s apocalyptic novel “The Passage” right now, and…well…I might’ve sat up one or two recent nights pondering the existence of zombie-like vampires (virals) and guessing at who they would take down first in an impending attack. I think it’s safe to assume that for multiple obvious reasons it’s going to be the complete cast of Twilight that gets eaten right off the bat. Although I’m open to debate.
It’s good to know though that I’LL not be the first on the menu because, not to brag or anything, but according to the Zombie Survival Test (thank you, Facebook) I’m actually THE person MOST likely to survive a zombie apocalypse. Apparently I’ll be holed up on my commune, loaded down with shot-guns, shovels, and fire, and a fantastic singing voice which will keep the undead halted at a clear 1-mile radius. Take that, Shawn of the Dead.
And because I’m a nice person I might consider inviting some of you to my compound. I’ll take chocolate and vodka as payment.
Anyhoo…this whole late night heavy contemplation thing has been good for me. It’s really got me questioning the deeper issues of life, you know. Such as…what if there was a war between vampires and zombies and they had to fight each other outside of my 1-mile radius compound? Despite what the books and movies say…how would that battle REALLY end?
Who would win–the vamps or zombies?
Opinions please.
What’s the mood noise of the moment? Heheheheheh… Bush vs. Zombies
Tags: bush vs. zombies video, Twilight vs. zombies, virals, zombies vs. vamps
07.8.2010 / 9:55 am
OK, so the baby is napping at last, and I REALLY should be working, but I had to stop and read your latest post.
As always, I’m proud of my choice. I’m cracking up at the video (although wouldn’t it be funnier if it had been Obama?) and I’m trying to figure out how many bottles of Vodka it would take to ensure my family’s safety in your compound (are you gonna link that quiz? ‘cuz I’d like to see how I’d do).
Ahem. To your question: I believe that the vampires would win. And I surely hope that they take out the psuedo-vamps of the Twilight cast along with the zombies. They are nothing at all like my book-imaginings and irritatingly taking over the check-out-aisle magazine covers. I’d like them to go away!
Reasons vampires would win:
1. they are super fast. zombies, not so much
2. they just want blood. Humans can donate a little blood and still live. Brains, however, we cannot do without. Humans should hold blood drives to contribute to the vampire cause in vanquishing the zombies.
3. they’re much better looking than zombies (I’m just saying…)
07.8.2010 / 10:10 am
Ahem… “they’re much better looking than zombies (I’m just saying…)” HAHAHAHA. Ah yes, survival of the hottest…
And, Dani, I’m proud of your choice too
. You can come to my compound.
07.8.2010 / 12:16 pm
I have many thoughts on this subject, so I’ll start with the most pressing: will you accept moonshine in the absence of actual vodka? At least until I get my neighboring compound up and running. Also, spots for a last stand? I mean, if it comes down to that, which is likely, you want to go out in the most bad-a$$ fashion imaginable. I vote morro rock.
As for vampire vs. zombie, I think they kill each other off. I mean have you seen the resident evil zombies???? Trap them together and we solve all our problems. Until the sequel. When we realize they’ve made an alliance….
07.8.2010 / 3:39 pm
Vodka and chocolate? Mary, really, you belong in Russia where both are cheap and plentiful. Now I know what to bring back for you (and your compound) the next time I go there. Maybe some flavored (infused) vodka? Pick your poison. Or…plan to go with me…mwuahahaha
07.8.2010 / 3:43 pm
OK, here’s the deal, sure vampires would win when it comes to your run-of-the-mill shuffling fleshy-headed brain eater, but they may have a bit of a problem if we’re dealing with the Twenty-Eight Days Later variety: they’re fast, they’re angry and have a tendency to swarm. Not to mention the fact that they carry their infection in their blood–with most of the population infected in our apocalyptic scenario, the vampires would have trouble finding a clean food source. Of course, non-undead zombies have a pretty short life span, so the Vampires may just have to wait it out… but then again, what would they feed on… and don’t say animal blood ’cause that’s no way to live.
07.8.2010 / 3:54 pm
Kati: I love everything about your comment. In every way.
Jeanette: I might take you up on that one of these days. Plus, isn’t vodka like the perfect survival item? Good for wounds, digestion, colds, numbing, killing brain cells (thus rendering our brains not as tempting to the zombies)…what else can I say?
Andrew: I’m having that same debate. IF vampires are actually faster…technically they could win. Side note: do vampires HAVE to eat to survive? Does anyone know? The other reason vamps COULD win if the zombies are the slow-minded type because the brain-eaters might not be intelligent enough to hatch a plot and carry it out. Whereas, historically, all types of vamps are intelligent. However, if we’re talking Resident Evil zombies…vamps should run.
07.8.2010 / 4:02 pm
Yes m’am – vodka has many practical uses! Just ask any Russian man in winter. Don’t forget about its status as a recipe ingredient (i.e. pasta sauce). One friend of mine tried to describe a tonic of sorts for colds – vodka with chili peppers in it that you rubbed on your feet before going to bed. Aromatherapy? And just to prove how essential vodka is…the Russian word for water is: voda – (vodka with the “k”ick missing?) Anyway – I won’t forget your hesitant agreement to accompany me to this oh-so-fascinating place. When my friends hear that you love vodka and chocolate, you will find yourself with a suitcase full to carry home.
07.8.2010 / 10:05 pm
Vodka… you forgot one thing… pour it on your jellyfish stings.. you know when you are on the cruise ship in Cabo trying to snorkel. yep, true.
I have no thoughts on anything else EXCEPT
1. yes they must eat.
2. I am reading the new Stephen King novel… well I am going to go start it… now.
oh wait… yes, I want to go to Russia too and be in your compound, I have all my own weapons and can cook.
07.8.2010 / 10:52 pm
Well … I think I am not a good person to respond!
07.9.2010 / 8:46 am
Jeanette, your info fascinates me… Add chilis and rub on your feet? Curiouser and curiouser. And, yes, I feel some type of overseas trip brooding within my veins…
Lisa, dost you speak from experience, my dear? And I want to know how you like his novel. Hmm…perhaps you should do up a review for us and I’ll post it
.
Julie…you make me smile.
07.9.2010 / 9:28 pm
I dost.
I will let you know how it is… it is huge… so heavy I have to be in just the right reading position or my wrists hurt!!! LOL
07.15.2010 / 9:15 am
Wow! That’s huge! Hahaha… Now I’m REALLY curious…