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Archive for the ‘Twilight’ Category

  • Best Recipe for Chewy Gingerbread Cookies

    Friday, December 3rd, 2010

    I awoke this morning with Twilight’s Bella Swan’s words in my head (and perhaps a slightly demented desire to mimic her): “About three things I was absolutely positive….”

    And I thought, hmm…about which three things am I absolutely positive? I made a list and automatically came up with all the normal important things that should come to mind…but then my list got bigger, and more random, and by the end became downright entertaining to myself. And then it occurred to me that I could be nice and share my list with you. Except, that it’s really big, and random, and…yeah. So, in true Bella form, I chose three to share with the rest of the world. Perhaps not as romantic as hers. Nor as glittery vampirish. But definitely revealing of my inner mental workings, which I’ve never claimed were normal…

    Ahem.  About three (random) things I feel absolutely positive….

    First, Eminem is a poet.

    Second, there is a part of me—and it’s ingrained deeply, so don’t tell me different—which believes my parents are never-nudes.

    And third, I unconditionally and irrevocably detest every version of gingerbread cookie other than my mother’s chewy gingerbread bars. It’s true.

    On that last one, I will be nice and prove it to you (the first two, I’d rather not). That’s right; I can be generous at times, especially with Christmas around the corner… So, short of making them and having you over, here’s my next best offer: The Recipe (queue hallowed light and Christmas music). BUT I think you should be nice in return and list for us YOUR three, Bella-type, not-so-normal things about which you are absolutely positive.

    Okay, ready? Go.

    chewy gingerbread cookies

    Best recipe for soft and chewy Gingerbread

    • ¾ cup butter
    • 1 egg
    • ¼ cup molasses
    • 1 & ½ tsp baking soda
    • ½ tsp cinnamon
    • ½ tsp cloves
    • 1 cup sugar
    • ½ tsp salt
    • ½ tsp ginger
    • 2 & ½ cups flour

    Glaze:

    • ¾ cup powdered sugar
    • 1 Tbsp. milk
    • 1 Tbsp. butter
    • ½ tsp. vanilla

     Cream the butter until fluffy; then add the egg and the molasses and blend well. Mix the dry ingredients in. On a buttered cookie sheet, press dough into flat, wide bars and sprinkle lightly with sugar. Bake at 350 for 10 min. While still warm, slice the cookies into thin bars. And once they’ve completely cooled, drizzle glaze over them. Eat with coffee or milk or cocoa. (Side note: the gingerbread is even better the second day since the flavors will have matured.)

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     What’s the mood noise of the moment?  Merry Christmas Baby

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    Posted in Reading Recipes, Twilight | 9 Comments »

  • We Saw Eclipse

    Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

    So Kati (from last week’s post), Lori (in a soon-to-come post), and I attended the movie release of Eclipse in the wee wretched hours of this morning. And we threes liked it…we really did. For the most part.

    Ms. Stewart still refuses to portray personality (sad…truly), but the fight scenes were pretty fantastic. Especially between Jasper and Alice, and Edward and Victoria. In the words of Kati, “Edward actually looked like a bad a$$ instead of a weenie. And his makeup was SO much better.” Yay, Edward.

    We were also rather impressed with Jasper. Who knew he could act rather than just look constipated? (Or am I the only person who’s ever thought that?) He was quite studly. I wholly approved.

    I liked Rosalie this time around too. Although, Lori did take issue with Rosalie’s eyebrows. Multiple times. I believe her exact words were, “PLEASE bleach them.”

    Oh, and these rabid fan girls were just…so awesome. Seriously. And sweet. Vampires be proud, these girls made our evening THAT much better.

    Also, thank you to the man in the audience who, after about the 150th bout of girls shrieking at anyone and EVERYONE who’s muscles (ahem, Jacob) or face (Edward/Jasper/Carlisle) graced the screen, finally yelled “shut-uuuuuuuup!” at the top of his lungs. That was highly appropriate of you. Especially since I was having a hard time hearing the make-out scene.

    All in all? A fabulous time was had by vamp and rabid fan girls alike. (And old people like me who aren’t used to staying up until 3:30 in the morning.)

    So, tell me…did you see Eclipse? WILL you see Eclipse? Reactions to it? Are we right or are we right?

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    And, yes, my Twi-sensitivities should be highly offended by this. But I can’t stop laughing.

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    Posted in Twilight, Undead Leeches | 22 Comments »

  • Testing Your Rabid Fan Girl Status

    Thursday, May 27th, 2010

    Dear Citizens of Reality,

    This is an Emergency Health Warning for the well-known Twilight disease Rabid Fan Girl Status. However, do not be alarmed; this is only a warning. Lockdown procedures have, as of yet, not been implemented.

    This warning will be in effect for the next 33 days, 9 hours, and 27 seconds (roughly the time until Eclipse arrives in theaters), during which time you may hear of, or possibly engage in, random bouts of squealing, attempts to keep large blocks of ice in bed, and irregular drooling over Robert Pattinson. You may also see mass droves of human females dressed in such items as flannel shirts and skinny jeans accessorized by large belts and clunky boots. Not to worry, this is normal Twi-behavior. However…if you notice symptoms beyond these in yourself, or in others, you MAY have a case of Rabid Fan Girl Status on your hands. In which case, you need help.

    Some questions you may have regarding Rabid Fan Girl Status:

    What IS Rabid Fan Girl Status?  Rabid Fan Girl Status is a condition also known as Twi-chosis, which is marked by shrieking like a little school girl, swooning over the term “Edward” (even when it is the name of one’s three-legged dog or the pot-bellied pizza boy), slobbering or slurred speech, and an obsessive desire to make out with vampires (or werewolves, depending).

    Are Rabid Fan Girls dangerous?  Extremely. In fact, under no circumstances should you attempt to approach a herd of them without an adequate arsenal of (a) glitter spray, (b) a highlighted copy of Wuthering Heights, and (c) wooden stakes. Also, laughing in their innocent-looking fan girl faces, poking them, or engaging in Robert Pattinson insults of any kind is not advised. It will not go well for you. In some cases, Rabid Fan Girls have been known to accost ignorant men and buildings with glue and glitter paint, resulting in the loss of all body hair and structural fortitude.

    How does a person contract Rabid Fan Girl Status?  Rabid Fan Girl Status can be contracted through direct physical contact with Stephenie Meyer, the Twilight saga, or the frothy-mouthed bite of a Rabid Fan Girl.

    How will I know if I’ve been bitten?  The fang marks just above your collarbone will be distinct—two bloody holes surrounded by a smudge of red glimmer lipstick.

    How will I know if I have contracted Rabid Fan Girl Status?  If you are experiencing any of the above recurring symptoms, or are unsure of your Rabid Fan Girl Status, you may be compromised. For such cases, we have designed this emergency Twilight Rabidity Test for your convenience. (But remember, this is only a test. For conclusive results, blood analysis is required.)

    Please check your symptoms with those below.

    *Ahem.* You might be a Rabid Fan Girl if:

    You own this (from here):

    by request Robert Pattison SHOWER CURTAIN Twilight New Moon Edward Cullen Bella pattinson
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    You WANT to own this (found here):

     

    You would hock your firstborn child to own this (Bella’s engagement ring):

     

    You would name your firstborn child any of these (Edward, Jacob, Isabella, Cullen):

    http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/08/us/08names.html

     

    And this concludes the emergency test of your Rabid Fan Girl Status. If for any reason you believe you have contracted this disease, please stay indoors for the next 6 months or until AFTER Eclipse has been released (on DVD).

    Just sayin’.

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    Posted in Genre Savvy, Twilight, Undead Leeches | 12 Comments »

  • Twilight Dating Savvy

    Friday, January 22nd, 2010

    or “the way to get girls”

    Is it just me, or are guys really going about this whole Twilight thing wrong?

    Okay, husbands–I sorta get it. You feel a tad threatened that your wives stay up until four in the morning devouring a book they’ve admittedly already drooled into the last two dozen times through. Then you’re forced to come home and hear the crooning and dialogue of the M.D.M.E. (Most Desirable Man Ever) regurgitated over the dinner table. Or worse, during a date-night movie.

    I’ll also allow that, if the roles were reversed and the husbands walked around oozing infatuation over a sparkling vamp babe who sported the body of a Greek goddess, some of us women might be a tinsy-winsy up in arms about it.

    But single guys hating Twilight??? THIS I am at a loss with. So much so, that I finally did a Google search of “twilight + haters” and discovered mountainous listings of blogs devoted to the single-man’s abhorrence of Edward. And you know what I came away with? A conviction that these are, for the most part, ego-blanketed, insecurity support groups. The motto apparently being: “My mom assures me I’m wonderful exactly the way I am.”

    And all the time I’m flipping through these, I’m wanting to ask, “WHAT in the name of heaven is wrong with these people?” Because, at least–what–like 48% of U.S. women have (dare I admit) Edward key-chains, Edward candy hearts (yummy actually), Edward glimmer chapstick, Edward posters hanging above the bed (or in their closets, ahem), Edward action figures (except when one’s husband wouldn’t believe they were for one’s son), and every other assortment of Edward paraphernalia that can be bought at one’s local Wal-Mart.

    Single guys, I’ll clue you in: This is an untapped market for dating savvy. Quit fighting it. Get over the whole “sparkling chest-hair is weird and girly” thing and embrace the emerging genre of glittery guys. Don’t worry that your man friends may laugh and accuse you of being “bitten by rabid fan girls,” or see you as lost to the “deluded and swooning” world of Twilight women. Ignore such criticisms for being the pure jealousy they are; especially since none of these friends have actually read the book. I mean, look on the bright side . . . at least if you read the darn thing you might get to hang out with actual girls (never mind the fact they’re rabid and swooning).

    I’m just saying you should take a hint. You want to know the real way to get girls? Quit the hater support group, buy a Twilight book, and sit out in front of any café in town with the novel propped in front of your face. You’ll be a female phenomenon.

    Just don’t forget the glimmer chapstick . . .

    Or am I REALLY missing something here?

    ‘Cuz you can tell me if I am . . .

    What’s the mood noise of the moment?   The Killers:  Romeo and Juliet

    (highlighted quotes and sparkly Edward photo taken from Crunchy Roll; a hater community I’m rather fond of)

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    Posted in Best & Worst Books, Twilight, Undead Leeches | 22 Comments »

  • The Reformed Vampire Support Group

    Friday, January 1st, 2010

    or “Simpsons of the vampire world”

    Welcome to my very first post! I guess I should probably tell you what I’m doing with my life and why, but if you haven’t figured it out by looking at the front page of my website, or at the disclaimer above this blog, I’m not sure I can help you. You’ll just have to read on. You’ll figure it out. I’m not that mysterious (although I will admit to possessing an excellent maniacal laugh, if that counts one ounce toward intrigue).

    That said . . . shall we begin our review?

    I’m not swearing Catherine Jinks wrote The Reformed Vampire Support Group as a parody of the Twilight universe. I’m just calling it as I see it.

    If you hate Twilight, chances are you’ll love this book. And if you’re Twi-obsessed, well, then, I’ll give you a 60% possibility of enjoyment. Consider it Twilight on a bad LSD trip.

    What’s different you ask? Hmm. Well . . . imagine your mom as a vampire. The mom you know and love and shudder at when she walks around at seven in the morning in curlers and a hair-net, smoking like a moldy hay-stack and ever-complaining about her over-sized goiter. Except rather than a bottle of gin in hand, she’s drinking blood.

    Weird, right? That’s what I’m talking about. No Edwardian sparkles, no super-human strength, no poetic tangents professing the passionate need to resist the smell of the wine barrel, and definitely no Greek god-like physiques going on.

    The vampires in this universe never age, but their physical bodies do (or more specific–their physical ailments do). Toenails fall off and stay off, and one’s breath is always bad. Add to that the issue of their being terrified of driving, choking, being killed, or interacting with human society on any level and you begin to get the general idea. They hide out in their homes watching TV re-runs and drinking the blood of guinea pigs (which they breed, mind you), attending their once-a-week “I promise to be ashamed of what I am” support group. Thus it is that when one of the members of The Reformed Vampire Support Group gets staked and winds up as a “pile of cat litter” in the bottom of his coffin . . . well, uh . . .

    Maybe you should read it.

    Or perhaps you have? Hmm . . . 

    What’s the mood noise of the moment?    Flyleaf: Again 

    Find more videos like this on The New Official Flyleaf Site – Memento Mori, 11/10/09

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    Posted in Book Reviews, Twilight, Undead Leeches | 12 Comments »

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