When I am Old, I Shall Wear Steampunk
Published May 14, 2010
Long have I been a fan of Steampunk, both in fashion and in fiction. The entire genre enthralls me. A little steam powered action + Victorian era panache + a healthy dose of technological (i.e. totally rad) innovation, and we’ve got a recipe for my own personal obsession. Give me some classic Jules Verne, a rocket-launching wrist watch, and a giant, swaggering Victorian bustle, and I could be a blissful lady.
Unfortunately I’d also be the gagging-stock of my children. I can hear our grocery store conversation now. Child #1: “Look at your butt, Mom! It’s HUUUGE (yelled loudly through the sausage section).”
Me: “It’s called a bustle.”
Child #2: “Wait…a bust-hole or a butts-hole?”
Child #3: “Hey Mom, use your watch to shoot a rocket at dad so we can see what it does.”
Hmm… No. Steampunk is not for a young mother of three loudmouthed, intelligent offspring. Thus, my current relationship with the genre is limited to the random book (or movie) that happens across my desk. Such as last weekend when I started a novel I’d discovered through Agent Kristin’s website. I’ll review it for you next week, but in the meantime just know that reading the book has brought me to a decision.
Namely, when I am old, I shall wear Steampunk.
In fact, I am going to BE Steampunk. As in I’m going to be the most techno-gothic old lady anyone’s ever seen, in black lace stockings, purple velvet boots, and savvy eye-goggles (which are obviously necessary for old-lady things like knitting and reading). Plus there’s the added benefit of those tight corsets to secure in all my plump-lady gloriousness. Or perhaps it’ll just squish the plump out in all the wrong places, but I won’t care by then because my senile old mind will imagine myself as looking like this:
Wearing this tiny accessory:
Using this:
Fighting off young men who look like this:
So here and now I am issuing fair warning to my children: If in a good many years from today you see a plump and pruney old lady who looks remarkably like your dear mother dressed in saggy lace stockings, velvet boots, a diminutive top hat, and a watch that doubles as a rocket-launcher / chloroform diffuser, brandishing a silver-tipped parasol at all the cars driving where I’m trying to jay-walk—just say something kind about my super tiny, super cool hat, remembering that I spared you the humiliation while you were young. And don’t pinch my bustle lest I decide to test my rocket watch on you.
Now with that stated, I’ve actually got a question for the reading friendlies: What literary fashion will YOU dress in during your old and pruney years?
Jasper Morello Music Video (aka Industrial Steampunk Animation 2.0) with music by Interpol: Pioneer to the Falls
Tags: Agent Kristin's blog, Interpol music, pruney lady, Steampunk books, Steampunk fashion, Victorian bustle
05.14.2010 / 1:11 pm
hmmmmmm. I do enjoy a good steampunk novel. or anime.
05.14.2010 / 2:12 pm
Being as it’s me, I will likely cycle through the genres with each new day, until I come out looking a little like this:
Monday – Regency period dress, complete with hat and gloves
Tuesday – Pioneer dress with bonnet
Wednesday – Twilight (Alice-inspired fashion, of course)
Thursday – Star Trek jumpsuit (yep, still a Trekkie, something I didn’t outgrow in junior high)
Friday – Chaucerian bar wench garb
Saturday and Sunday I might kick back in sweats, or I may just join you in a Steampunk rampage of fashion…
=)
05.14.2010 / 2:23 pm
Ahem, Kati: I hope you have shocking anime hair. That would please me.
Dani: A Star Trek jumpsuit? That’s hilarious.
05.14.2010 / 2:26 pm
You’ve got somethin’ goin’ on, girl! Although I imagine few of us remain who read the classic “When I am Old, I Shall Wear Purple” (received as a gift, of course), the book made quite the statement back when it was published (1980?) Oh yeah…be bold when you’re old–wear purple! (Whoop-do-doo!) I say that Steampunk attire trumps purple any day. What a difference a generation makes. Let the kiddos wail in shame. They’re the ones missing out on all the fun. And listen…to me it looks like you might have a new game of Clue in the making: the granny did it – wearing the tiny top hat, with the brass revolver, under the umbrella…
05.14.2010 / 5:23 pm
I can’t wait to see it!
05.15.2010 / 8:36 am
Was it your grandmother’s risky adventures at riding rapids in her old age or your mother’s nose piercing and spiky hair that set you out on a different path to growing old ungracefully? Whatever, I hope I’m around to see you migrate into “elderly.” I might even leave my nose jewelry to you in my will.
As far as my literary fashion choice for old age: Maxine
05.15.2010 / 9:00 am
Ahahaha, Jeanette! Maybe it can be an old lady Clue game–Miss Marple faces off against her evil Steampunked twin…
Thanks, Heather. I imagine you’ll have quite a hat ensemble going on yourself
.
Mother: A nose ring of my very own? Sweeeeet.
05.15.2010 / 9:06 am
Soon…. I absolutely expect to join you in Steampunk at some sort of inspired party…. as far as your journey to “old age”, “senior citizenship”…. I do hope I am around and still able to:
1. See you
2. Recognize you
3. Speak my compliment
4. Join you in a stroll
05.17.2010 / 11:06 am
Lisa, I’m thinking next holiday season is begging for a costume party. What say you? And, yes, join me; we’ll jay-walk together
.
05.17.2010 / 8:06 pm
yes costume party, yes, yes, yes!!!!
05.17.2010 / 9:38 pm
So I’ve been contemplating several options. I adore the photos you put up Mary and I would definitely join in on the fun (can I come to your holiday party?). And since I just watched Young Victoria today, I think it may be nice to bustle in the old British style except for the awful corsets and stifling heat that would cause. I do like their hair do’s and hats though, seems so innocent and beautiful. Then I thought we could do Hunger Games and go painted – but that would cause even more of a stir wouldn’t it?
)…
Lastly, I could be completely disowned by my husband and go granny in a matching velour sweatsuit with a bedazzled bootee (he has told me on several occasions if I were to ever wear one of those in public, I’d be lonely
05.17.2010 / 10:31 pm
Lori: This made my evening. Totally. Love. It. Haha! And I’m down with that matching velour jump suit thing. I think I saw one at the Goodwill the other day…
Oh and Hunger Games…but where would we hide our weapons? Maybe in our layers of painted wrinkly skin…. Hmm. Yes, that could cause quite a stir.
09.15.2010 / 12:54 am
great blog thank you
12.13.2010 / 2:20 pm
I’m going to be lame and copy you–I totally will BE steampunk at 80. Maybe it will be like a days of the week thing:
1. Martian Monday – I will dress in all of my favorite sci-fi garb on this day
2. Texas Tuesday – old west gear!
3. Wandering Wednesday – Gypsy
4. Thor Thursday? Wait a minute…I don’t even like Thor *that* much….
5. Ren Faire Friday – nuff said
6. Steampunk Sat & Sun – Dude.
12.13.2010 / 2:34 pm
Oh good gracious, I love your choices! Ren Faire Friday? *sighs at this thought of perfection* And Thor? He’s got great hair. And a hammer. In truth, what else does one really need?
12.13.2010 / 4:08 pm
Also, I’m going to reveal my complete and utter dorkness right now, Joanna, by admitting to a full geek-out session over the fact that you just commented on my blog. Thanks.
Made my day. Long may my nerd flag wave.
01.27.2011 / 7:09 am
awesome article, I will save this for later!